Feelings

I feel seen.

The way you know exactly what to say 

Precisely when you need to.

All of the right words

Comforting me like a warm hug.


I feel heard.

The way you listen with intent

To every word I say

As if it is the best story you have ever heard

Making me feel understood.


I feel supported.

The way you take interest

In all of those little things I tell you about 

That are important to me

That are now also important to you.


I feel safe.

The way you reassure me that I am not a burden 

Even on the worst mental health days 

When I want to self destruct 

You take away the that doubt.


You make me feel

Seen 

Heard 

Supported 

Safe.

How do I make you feel?

Haikus Pt. 2

Today’s post is another collection of haikus that I have written recently. You guys seemed to respond positively to the last batch of these that were posted, so I figured I would try my luck again! Let me know if there are any other styles of poetry you would like me to attempt 🙂


Rain 

The raindrops shatter 

On the cold glass window pane 

Sliding down quick.


Bleeding 

Endless stream of blood 

Pooling in the sink slowly  

Old scars resurface.


Social Anxiety

Talking to people

Makes my heart race quickly 

What if they hate me 

Circuit

If the human body is a circuit

Of complicated arteries and veins

All webbed together 

Controlled by the heart 

And monitored by the brain 

How does a broken heart

Truly affect someone?

Does a broken heart shutdown the system completely

Like a circuit losing its powersource?

Or does it simply cause a momentary glitch

That builds up over time

Until the circuit runs cold.

How does a broken heart truly affect someone?

Soothing

There is something so soothing

About watching the rain drops fall

Streaking the windows

Like tears falling down a face.


There is something so soothing

About hearing the rain drops fall 

Against the roof above me

Slowly rocking me to sleep.


There is something so soothing

About the smell of the rain

After the sky opens up and pours its heart out

As if the earth somehow smells new again.


If the rain is so soothing

Why does it makes me want to stay in bed

And avoid it forever?

Recap

2020 was easily the craziest year in the books. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to do a cheesy “end of year recap” post but decided that it was necessary to recognize and appreciate all of the good and the bad things that happened this year. This year brought a lot of change— internally and externally. 

I want to start by acknowledging some of the lows that 2020 has brought:

  • Not being able to finish my senior year of college with my friends by my side 
  • Not being able to walk in a graduation ceremony
  • Not being able to say goodbye to professors/people that shaped my college experiences
  • Difficulty finding shadowing/intern opportunities
  • Being unemployed after graduation for months
  • Resurgence of my depression and anxiety
  • Lost hope in humanity
  • A pandemic that showed me how individualistic our society is
  • Preventable deaths

Despite the lows, my year was filled with so many highs:

  • Finishing my Bachelor’s degree and graduating
  • Moving back home
  • Quality time with my parents
  • Getting a job at a fantastic hospital 
  • Getting to be present and see my brother get his white coat
  • Starting this blog which helped my mental health tremendously and was one of my biggest goals for so long
  • Getting off of my antidepressant medication
  • Applying to graduate school programs
  • Taking and receiving the score I wanted on the GRE
  • Realizing who my real friends are

In 2021, I want to be less restricted. I don’t want to necessarily set goals that are strict or rigid, but instead change the way I approach change. Changing my mind to think of change as something that I GET TO DO rather than something that I HAVE TO DO. Having the ability to improve my body, my mind, and my spirit is something I want to be grateful of.  I want to spend 2021 doing more things that bring me joy.

So going into 2021, I want to:

  • Better my physical health 
  • Build a sustainable routine 
  • Drink more water 
  • Eat less processed food 
  • Drink less caffeine 
  • Read more books
  • Learn a new skill 
  • Continue blogging/journaling
  • Spend more time outside
  • Listen to new music
  • Take more time for me

What are some of your 2021 goals? Let me know in the comments below! I also want to say thank you for the support and followers of this blog. I couldn’t be happier with the direction this is going in ❤

Winter

Winter brings the biting cold

The cold that sinks into your body

And aches in your bones.

But it is no match

For the hot coco by the fireplace 

The warm crackling sound of the wood 

The aroma of pine

The cookies baking in the oven

The laughs and smiles of family and friends

The personalized gifts 

And the endless love 

That the winter also brings.


Wishing you and your loved ones a happy holiday season full of joy! Let us all be grateful for the good today despite the darkness that 2020 brought to the world. I will see you guys in the new year 🙂

Mirrors

What if mirrors showed us what we wanted to see 

Rather than what was actually there?

What would you see?

A skinner, more fit reflection

Or a more successful version of yourself?

I would see myself exactly as is.

As the work of art I was created as

With my imperfections 

And flaws 

That do nothing to dim my worth

But rather illuminate it

To the highest degree. 

Step Forward, Step Back

I take one step forward

By getting off my antidepressant

And 4 steps back

By crying in my car after work.


I  take one step forward

By forgiving you and the words you said 

And 3 steps back

By not being able to forget


I  take one step forward

By prioritizing myself 

And 2 steps back 

By feeling selfish when I do


How can I progress mentally

If it is always 

One step forward, and one step back.

Radiance

Her smile lights up the room,

With so much depth and color

That it is blinding.

How can anyone be that carefree?

That radiant?

That unbothered by everyone around her?

She is so in touch with herself,

That nothing else matters.

The mean comments,

The off handed stares

The judgement from strangers,

All fades away into a sea of black around her

and the waves become white noise.

She is a lighthouse on the dark horizon,

Attracting people towards her light,

Like moths to a flame.